the what if monster

I was laying in bed the other night trying to shut my brain off. I was thinking about what it would be like if I won the lottery. I would be debt free and I would probably live on a farm, but without all the animals just the land and I could finally have my wrap around porch....good times...and then my mind drifted to where would I move ...what county and would they have a good school system and would I be able to maintstream Sam and Oh my gosh he's almost 1 and only knows a few words...I mean he babbles and seems to understand me but what will he be able to comprehend and will other kids be mean... I mean..of course they will kids are mean, but some kids are nice...I hope he has some really good friends..will he have to have any more surgery..will he ever get this G-tube out ...I hope he can eventually eat more by mouth....HELP!!!!!!!! I'm doing it again. I'm thinking not just about tomorrow, but the day after that and the year after that and so forth and so on. It's a never ending cycle. I can't sleep and then my chest starts to hurt and I can feel the acid start to rise in my throat. God tells me not to worry about tomorrow, but that's easy for Him to say..He knows what's going to happen. Some days are better than others ,but for the most part it takes work not worry about the future. I do feel there is a difference in being prepared for the future and just worrying about it. God never gives us more than we can handle that's true, but I am a worry wart. I bought all these educational books and I read them to Sam and we are trying to teach him sign language and we are trying to get him to crawl..Sometimes I have to stop myself and just enjoy him..he's so awesome and funny and stubborn. He is starting to have his own very distinct personality and I am sure that he will learn all he needs to in his own time....So for now I will try not to worry so much about the future and just try to enjoy the present...Wish me luck.