Bad Thoughts and Accountability

I have to admit something and I know that most of you will be shocked. I'm not perfect. I'm going to give you a minute to take that in.....I know...shocking....For this very reason I have a few people that I call that keep me in check. Now having said that I would also like to say that I love my son...I know that he is a gift from God and I wouldn't trade him for all the starbucks coffee in the world and those who know me know how much I love starbucks coffee...By now you are probably wondering where I'm going with all this...Well, here it is...I feel incredibly guilty for some not so nice thoughts I've had ......I get slightly jealous when I hear of people having healthy, normal babies...this includes friends, random people, people at work...I know...you're probably gasping right now, but let me just say that no one is more disappointed in myself than me...I would never wish anything but a healthy normal baby on anyone...but sometimes it's hard to muster up that happiness...I don't want to sell my son short...but I do often wonder what that experience would be like...To have an uncomplicated pregnancy...to be able to breastfeed my baby...To have my baby at the top of all charts..anyhoo....I think that it's important to keep myself accountable so that I don't lose perspective..I do however, get so angry when I come across an abuse case..I think, "This is what they've done with the healthy child that they've been given?.....I do look forward to watching Sam grow up and I can't wait to see what God has planned for him...so forgive my imperfectness...I'm sure that it won't be the last time.