Joy Comes in The Mourning

I'm going to tell you a story that I've only told one other person. Let me start by telling you a little bit about myself first so you might understand why I've been reluctant to share this.  I am not the kind of person that believes in ghosts, I don't think that there are ufo's , and I believe if you're hearing voices you might want to check yourself in somewhere with padded walls. I also tend to roll my eyes when people start there sentence with, " God was talking to me today." ....I know....but  that's just how I am...with so many "false prophets" out there...I tend to be cautious with a side of suspicion...I am a "doubting Thomas" I probably would have asked Jesus to show the scars as well....I'm not proud of it, but that's the truth..and I'm sure like Peter I might have been inclined to deny Christ out of fear ...again, not proud of it...just saying... I just want to paint you a clear picture before I tell you a story that, even today, makes me slightly uncomfortable but here it goes....
       When Samuel was born, as I have metioned before, he spent the 1st month of his life at Sibley heart Center. There are 2 main units that Sibley uses for their cardiac patients. One is the CICU or the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit and the Step Down. The latter of the 2 is used to prepare you to go home, so when you get sent to the Step Down it's an exciting day because, unlike the CICU, you can stay with your child. Samuel ended up in the CICU 3 or 4 different times...my memory is a little off...anyway my point is there were sometimes throughout that month where he took 1 step forward and 2 steps back. It was an emotional rollercoaster. When he was in the CICU our days were as follows....I would get up in the morning and call his nurse and check in after rounds, then I would usually throw on some clothes and my ever trusty hat and head out...George would come up after work and we would stay until about 11pm and head home and this would get repeated.
        On this particular morning Samuel was back in the CICU for the 3rd or 4th time after having had his G-tube surgery. They had just extabated(taken the breathing tube out) him the night before and he was on oxygen and they were weaning him off. I had not slept well the night before and was just about to call when the phone rang at 6am. It was his nurse and she said, "Mrs Van Winkle we have had a little set back with Sam and have had to put him on some high flow oxygen because he's not wanting to breathe like he needs to. I then hung up the phone and felt my heart sink into my stomach and I just began to sob. My husband woke up and I told him what happened and I'm sure that at that moment he felt completely helpless.. I felt so broken and so kicked in the gut. I wondered if God was even listening to me..After George headed to work, I dragged myself out of bed and began my normal routine of just throwing something on and heading out. As I started to turn the knob on the bedroom door I heard a voice as clear as if someone was standing in front of me...The voice said, " Take a shower."....Kid you not....I stood there in silence and then I said...excuse me?? again ....,"Take a shower.." Now you have to know that there have been very few times in my life where I have immediately done what I believe to be God asking me to do. Usually He allows me to fall repeatedly before I actually ...eventually do what he asked me in the first place, but on this particular day..at this particular moment , I acted without hesitation and I got in the shower... I was, however, wondering...much like Gideon...what was the point? As I was taking a shower I heard the voice again, " I want you to got to the hospital without looking defeated!!!!!now get dressed.....I couldn't believe it..but I knew that this was God and this was what I needed to do on this particular day at this particular moment I was like Peter on the water, but I didn't look away from God..I fixed my gaze and moved forward...I pulled out all the stops..I fixed my hair and did my make-up and put on some nice jeans and I even broke out my diamond!!!! Oh yes...I left the ball cap in the closet and headed out...I felt like Gideon in the wine barrel...when God said, "Come out you great and mighty warrior." Today...I was a warrior and with head held high, hair fixed, diamond in place I made my way to the hospital....I got a phone call on the way  there from the nurse in the CICU..she said, Mrs Van Winkle we are transfering Sam to the Step-down unit...I said, " Can he go on high flow oxygen?" She said, "Mrs Van Winkle...he's not on oxygen anymore..he turned around...he started breathing normally on his own!!!! I hung up the phone and began to cry....It was a simple act of obedience and I didn't understand why ...but God knew the whole time.....Is 65:24 (Before they call I will answer while they are still speaking I will hear)
      Sam is celebrating his 1st birthday tomorrow Sept 11th ...I am so amazed how far he has come, but I know without any doubt that God has been with him the whole journey and will continue to be no matter what lies ahead...I will fix my gaze and move forward.....